The Haunted Mansion (transcript)

Foyer:

(Ghost Host:) When hinges creak in doorless chambers, and strange and frightening sounds echo through the halls; Whenever candlelights flicker where the air is deathly still - that is the time when ghosts are present, practicing their terror with ghoulish delight!

Stretching Gallery:

Welcome, foolish mortals, to the Haunted Mansion. I am your host, your... ghost host. Kindly step all the way in please and make room for everyone. There's no turning back now.

Our tour begins here in this gallery where you see paintings of some of our guests as they appeared in their corruptible, mortal state.

Your cadaverous pallor betrays an aura of foreboding, almost as though you sense a disquieting metamorphosis. Is this haunted room actually stretching? Or is it your imagination, hmm? And consider this dismaying observation: This chamber has no windows and no doors, which offers you this chilling challenge: to find a way out!

Of course, there's always my way. (Crashing thunder, scream)

Portrait Hall:

Oh, I didn't mean to frighten you prematurely; the real chills come later. Now, as they say, look alive, and we'll continue our little tour. And let's all stay together, please. There are several prominent ghosts who have retired here from creepy old crypts from all over the world. Actually, we have 999 happy haunts here, but there's room for a thousand. Any volunteers? If you insist on lagging behind, you may not need to volunteer. The carriage that will carry you into the moldering sanctum of the spirit world will accommodate you and one or two loved ones. Kindly watch your step as you board, please. We spirits haunt our best in gloomy darkness, so remember, no flash pictures, please.

And now, a carriage approaches to carry you into the boundless realm of the supernatural. Take your loved ones by the hand, please, and kindly watch your step. Oh yes, and no flash pictures, please! We spirits are frightfully sensitive to bright lights.

Do not pull down on the safety bar, please; I will lower it for you. And heed this warning: the spirits will materialize only if you remain quietly seated at all times.

Corridor of Doors:

We find it delightfully unlivable here in this ghostly retreat. Every room has wall-to-wall creeps, and hot and cold running chills. Shhh, listen!

All our ghosts have been dying to meet you! This one can hardly contain himself!

Unfortunately, they all seem to have trouble getting through. Perhaps Madame Leota can establish contact. She has a remarkable head for materializing the disembodied.

Madame Leota:

(Horntoads and lizards, fiddle and strum. Please answer the role by beating a drum!) [unused track]

(Ghost fiends and furies, old friends and new! Blow in a horn, so we'll know that it's you!) [unused track]

Serpents and spiders, tail of a rat; call in the spirits, wherever they're at!

Rap on a table; it's time to respond. Send us a message from somewhere beyond...

Goblins and ghoulies from last Halloween - awaken the spirits with your tambourine!

Creepies and crawlies, toads in a pond; let there be music, from regions beyond!

Wizards and witches, wherever you dwell, give us a hint, by ringing a bell!

Grand Hall

(Ghost Host:) The happy haunts have received your sympathetic vibrations and are beginning to materialize. They're assembling for a swinging wake, and they'll be expecting me. I'll see you all a little later...

Graveyard:

(Ghosts) When the crypt doors creak and the tombstones quake,
Spooks come out for a swinging wake!
Happy haunts materialize, and begin to vocalize.
Grim Grinning Ghosts come out to socialize!

Now don't close your eyes and don't try to hide,
For a silly spook may sit by your side.
Shrouded in a daft disguise, they pretend to terrorize.
Grim Grinning Ghosts come out to socialize!

As the moon climbs high o'er the dead oak tree,
Spooks arrive for the midnight spree.
Creepy creeps with eerie eyes start to shriek and harmonize.
Grim Grinning Ghosts come out to socialize!

When you hear the knell of a requiem bell,
weird glows gleam where spirits dwell.
Restless bones etherealize, rise as spooks of every size!

Hitchhiking Ghosts:

(Ghost Host) Ah, there you are, and just in time! There's a little matter I forgot to mention. Beware of hitchhiking ghosts! They have selected you to fill our quota, and they'll haunt you until you return! Now I will raise the safety bar, and a ghost will follow you home!

(Ghost chorus) If would like to join our jamboree there's a simple rule that's compulsory. Mortals pay a token fee. Rest in peace, the haunting's free; so hurry back, we would like your company!

Little Leota:

Hurry back! Hurry back! Be sure to bring your death certificate, if you decide to join us. Make final arrangements now! We've been dying... to have you...

Addendum: Walt Disney World Library (appears before the Corridor of Doors scene)

(Ghost Host:) Our library is well-stocked with priceless first editions. Only ghost stories, of course. And marble busts of the greatest ghost writers the literary world has ever known. They have all retired here, to the Haunted Mansion."

Actually, we have 999 happy haunts here, but there's room for 1000. Any volunteers, hmmm? If you should decide to join us, final arrangements may be made at the end of the tour...

END

Go back to Media > Audio